And it was like I was frozen in time, my feet planted beneath the cement, the smile on your lips locked into perfection until the end of time. I couldn’t breathe, but I held your gaze anyway. Even as everyone walked by, and snuck stolen glances in our direction, jealousy filling their bodies with hot steam like that from a boiling teapot, waiting at any given moment to shoot out from their ears. But we didn’t care. We never cared. A tingle in my palm interrupted my thoughts, and for a split-second I shifted my stare down at your hand, which twitched just as mine did. I knew what you were thinking, you were thinking the same thing I was. We were always thinking the same thing, almost like reading each others thoughts. A special bond that only brought us closer together with time. I know your hand ached and throbbed and wished it could be bound tightly with mind, interlaced like a spider’s web. I wanted and I wished and I needed your small, delicate, chipped-blue nail polish fingers rubbing against the back of my hand. It was sort of like a craving to me. Like you were some kind of medicine to my body, something that calmed me down and made me always want more. You were always so addicting. But even that day as we froze, fingers twitching, I knew everything between us changed no matter how hard we wished with our eyes and hearts and minds and bodies and palms fingers touch and stare that it would never be the same. I took a step forward, and broke my gaze away from yours just as an unfamiliar hand slid into your palm; the place where mine belonged. But before you completely broke your stare, and turned yourself away from me, I took one last glance at you- and witnessed all the pain and horror and torture and wishes and dreams and love and hate beneath the surface of your eyes all over again, and I knew I wouldn’t come back for anything in the world. Because you weren’t worth it. You were never worth it.

chani is amazing

chani is amazing

03/07/2010 

where has this year fucking gone?

i enjoyed having nothing, making myself pull out all my old tricks. i was an amazing human being when i really needed to. soon enough i was drowning in smog and models, i was drinking too much but so was everyone else. i am not a bad person

DRESS UP N STRIP DOWN////////////JAIL BAIT///////NEW HERO////EVERY MONDAY///BRINGING JUSTICE TO THE 90’S SINCE 14/6/2010

DRESS UP N STRIP DOWN////////////JAIL BAIT///////NEW HERO////EVERY MONDAY///BRINGING JUSTICE TO THE 90’S SINCE 14/6/2010

they’ll see who you’ve let yourself become and you don’t want that. no, you really don’t. keep persuading yourself. it will go away. just sit there with your guitar and your circling mind and tell yourself that it will be okay, it will be okay, that your life is like this guitar string, it keeps stretching and stretching and going in and out of tune, until it snaps, and then that’s it, but the snap isn’t something you can control. no, you can’t let yourself control it anymore, you can’t do that again, you can’t. keep on going. and keep on caring for strangers. that way, you’ve got a tiny reason not to disappear.

This may be the first post I have written from my phone. Brill. I am so fucking tired . Oh lord oh sweet love lord. I think London is calling let’s go let’s go.

Here we go again.